Run 100 miles? Or give birth?!

Kahlan Rebecca Hill
14/05/2018
6lb6 

I AM A MUMMY!!!
I write this a week and a half on from giving birth to our beautiful daughter Kahlan. She is perfect and we are so in love and I am pleased to say that despite a second degree tear I am recovering really well. 


The birth:
I won't go into detail but I'll just say that it was pretty quick (although didn't feel it at the time). I spent most of the time at home, trying to make soup, until the Joe decided it was time to get to the hospital. A few hours later she was born. At the time I remember thinking 'will I get through this? I am not doing this again! And I would run 100 miles in an instance over this!' But as soon as she was born the elation, relief and joy took over and as the week has gone on that memory of how hard it was has faded and to experience the joy of brining a baby, my baby, into the world would make it hard not to want to do it again. Just like the elation and relief you feel after finishing a tough event like the 100 miler. It doesn't always feel good at the time but the result is worth it and leads you on to doing it again.

Kahlan is such a joy and despite being unable to get out much and feeling a bit of panic about not being active, she is a good distraction. I can honestly say that I will look forward to learning new ways of building fitness and strength. For years I have been reluctant and almost scared to do things differently, thinking time rather than effort is effective, just because that has always worked for me. But I no longer have the gift of time and will need to make the most of what I have. 

For now though I am going to enjoy the tiny baby cuddles and get used to having someone else more important to think about.

35-36 weeks

Baby shower

Where has the time gone? Only 4 weeks till due date and it’s all getting very real. Our lives are about to change in an instance, as everyone with children tells you. How will we cope? How can we keep another human alive and remain sane? Will we ever get to do the things we love again? And...what will they look like? Will they really recognise our voices? I can’t wait to meet the little one that’s been growing inside me causing me sleepless nights and emotions that I only another women who’s been through it can relate. And even though I’ve felt her inside me and have bought all the necessary items, it’s still quite hard to believe that in a matter of weeks I am going to be a mum! And that will never change.

I have to say I know I’ve been really lucky with my pregnancy. I’ve been tired and emotional but no real worries or stresses. But I can’t say that I love pregnancy. For someone who is used to pushing themselves and puts pressure on themselves it’s not been easy, mentally or physically. I am one of those people that compares themselves to others. Often looking for assurance of what I should or am doing. But it always leads to disappointment when I generally don’t feel I don’t live up to the mark. So and so was running at 36 weeks and so and so was training in the gym for hours etc, so surely I should be. This is hard when doing an hours walk or half an hour on the bike or cross trainer is a battle. How can this be when I was running 40miles a week and cross training this time last year!!! Well, turns out that for me growing a human takes a lot of energy and my little girl wants most of the energy I have to give. 
I keep looking for written pieces from athletes that have found it hard to train. I know the importance of remaining active, and is 30mins walking enough? What if an athlete is struggling with energy? What is her limit? Does she still push through even a light session though she feels completely knackered and miserable at having to struggle day in day out until the baby arrives...
Listen to your body! Easier said than done when used to pushing it. But finally feel I have to let go now and trust that I'll get back to things when I'm ready and able. For now, enjoy the bump time and walks out with my Kibo.