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| Windermere wanderings |
I feel frustrated that when I go for a run it seems to feel really hard. I managed a run around Cockermouth in the parks and fields and though I always feel so much better when I've been, recently it seems really hard when I'm out. What's the point if it's always easy I hear you say? Isn't the point of running to be a challenge and the release of endorphins after you've completed a hard effort? Yes, I agree it is to a certain extent. But there's nothing like the feeling of being able to push and your legs just go with it and the miles just flow without the countdown to the end.
When I've been out the previous few times it seems a heavy effort the whole way, like I've not run in months and months. That is until the last km and I'm going home. It does really make me question whether it is a mind battle I'm facing and I am running more because I feel I should be and I'm continuing to chase the high that follows. Possibly but I like to think that it's also because I'm pregnant. I then find myself comparing to super athletes like Jasmine Paris and other elites that continue to train throughout their pregnancy and don't feel I should be any different. However, I also feel the need to prepare for having a baby when I will have to change my priorities from training. I have made it a priority and focus for so long. I have always made time for it, sometimes out of love and a lot out of need or guilt. I won't have that luxury and I don't want it to suddenly affect me mentally and emotionally. Running and exercise in general are a drug. And I can't help but notice how so many people are relying on it more and more to feel that sense of achievement and fulfilment. Don't get me wrong, I am a real advocate for a healthy lifestyle and promote exercise and healthy eating. However; BALANCE is so hard, and one I myself continue to strive for. I believe it is possible, but extremely difficult with all the social media, conflicting information and pressures to be a certain way. And those ways forever changing so we are continuously having to move the goal post.
That is quite a blabber I have just had. Forgive me, it must be hormones. I feel the need to express and share, especially as I go through massive life changes.
Until the next blab.
xxx
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Beautiful Buttermere
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This picture was taken this time (or day) last week. This day last year I would have completed my first LL100 recce day out. 25 miles of gorgeous Lake District trails. I have to say I was feeling rather jealous of those out running, especially as it was a beautiful crisp, clear day.
Instead I was proud to have managed a 15 mile run around Cockermouth with my trusted running buddy Kibo. It was slow and steady but the best I've felt running in weeks. I am still trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't do. Or how much I should push myself. I am keen to stay fit and healthy and be able to get back to running after having a baby. But I am more concerned that I do right by them. So if it feels good I'll go with it but try not to expect too much I guess.
Since completing the Lakeland 100 I have been asked the typical question...'What's next?'
The Bob Graham, events towards the CCC and/or UTMB and just enjoying other shorter trail races in between. The truth is, the plan was always to try for a baby. Little did I know that we would get pregnant so soon, first try!!! I guess I have always enjoyed a bit of a race to the challenge.
Anyway, I thought I'd share a bit of how things are going and have been. Once again to share experiences and a great way of recording it all for myself. I've missed writing.
On the 6th September we took a pregnancy test with slight suspicion, and hope, that we could be pregnant. After a positive and a negative test i was nervous about taking another not being sure what the outcome would be. Joe gently persuaded me, though it didn't take much, and it was positive. We were pregnant!!! Only a few weeks along so really didn't want to make too much of it knowing that the chances of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks is high!
About 6/7 weeks in I couldn't keep it to myself any longer and Joe and I told our parents. It was so lovely to say it and be able to chat with my mum, especially as I had started feeling extremely tired and a bit nauseous Running was so hard, even from a few weeks in I felt like running a hill or usual loop seemed much more challenging. I didn't know whether to put it down to post ultra fatigue, or pregnancy fatigue!? Both I think :)
It was a challenge going to work and doing normal daily things. Having Kibo to walk every morning has been really good. I'd wake up feeling really sick and tired and the last thing I felt like doing was getting out of bed and walking. However it really helped getting a bit of fresh air and doing something active, even if it is a fraction of what I am used to, it's helped me physically and mentally. So, the gym and running has really taken a hit, though managed a few locally on the flat with Kibo any opportunity I felt a bit more energised. It has mainly consisted of a bit of a run then walk then run. It's hard to accept when you are used to pushing through, but something in my mind just holds me back...not just me I'm carrying anymore.
My appetite has changed too. Food that I normally can't get enough of isn't as appealing and I fancy things that I don't normally bother about, or probably haven't let myself really want for years. Chips, crisps, icecream, sandwiches, 'brown foods'. I still really enjoy lots of fruit and veg though and chicken I can't get enough of. Cooked breakfasts are amazing and I feel the need for more sweet things in small doses for energy probably, though try to limit.
I have been so regimented about food for such a long time, though I hate to admit it; it's a revolution to have to really think about what I fancy and go with it! But i am nervous about becoming a blob with so much less activity!
Anyway, 13 and a half weeks in and energy is a little better and not nauseous too often. I want to eat a lot and although trying to be sensible and also just trying to let go a bit and do what feels right. I will keep running as I can and went for my first swim in ages tonight. Time to take a bit of pressure of the accelerator, enjoy being a little less regimented and get a healthy, happy balance.
Phew, trying to cram in a lot there!
xxx
I feel frustrated that when I go for a run it seems to feel really hard. I managed a run around Cockermouth in the parks and fields and though I always feel so much better when I've been, recently it seems really hard when I'm out. What's the point if it's always easy I hear you say? Isn't the point of running to be a challenge and the release of endorphins after you've completed a hard effort? Yes, I agree it is to a certain extent. But there's nothing like the feeling of being able to push and your legs just go with it and the miles just flow without the countdown to the end. 
