Getting out post baby...the first 4 and a half months

Getting out with or without Kahlan has not always been easy but has always been worth it. From day 3 I started with very gentle walks that soon turned into my usual morning walk with Kibo. At 3 weeks old Kahlan had done her first Wainwright and I had ran up Catbells...I felt so alive!!!

Catbells at 3 weeks old!

Having had such a great summer getting out pretty much everyday, just local walks and into town, has helped me adjust to motherhood. It's not always been easy feeling like I am settling for less and not doing any long days out or long training sessions. I have to squeeze in what I can when I can and embrace walking with my gorgeous daughter. She makes the sacrifice worth it. I have managed a few short buggy runs and did our first mile race together at the Lakeland 100 event where we were helping out with marshalling this time. Kahlan isn't always happy in the pram though so it can be really frustrating setting out for a run and only managing 5-10 mins. So I think going out with no expectation is how I need to approach it. 

First run out solo...20km

Rannerdale Knotts July 2018 

 Doing a 15km race was really good fun. I tend to feel like I have really lost all that I built up to in running, and will never be any good at anything else which makes me sad. The race showed that I can still push myself but that also I don't really have to. And I have this constant back and forth debate as to whether I want to. Or whether I want to fight at trying to fit in all the training, or the pressure I put on myself. Just blurting out thoughts here!
For now I am going to try and focus on my gorgeous baby girl and let the other stuff follow...I need to remember the mountains and running aren't going anywhere!

Keswick lakeland trails 15km...3rd lady 

Run 100 miles? Or give birth?!

Kahlan Rebecca Hill
14/05/2018
6lb6 

I AM A MUMMY!!!
I write this a week and a half on from giving birth to our beautiful daughter Kahlan. She is perfect and we are so in love and I am pleased to say that despite a second degree tear I am recovering really well. 


The birth:
I won't go into detail but I'll just say that it was pretty quick (although didn't feel it at the time). I spent most of the time at home, trying to make soup, until the Joe decided it was time to get to the hospital. A few hours later she was born. At the time I remember thinking 'will I get through this? I am not doing this again! And I would run 100 miles in an instance over this!' But as soon as she was born the elation, relief and joy took over and as the week has gone on that memory of how hard it was has faded and to experience the joy of brining a baby, my baby, into the world would make it hard not to want to do it again. Just like the elation and relief you feel after finishing a tough event like the 100 miler. It doesn't always feel good at the time but the result is worth it and leads you on to doing it again.

Kahlan is such a joy and despite being unable to get out much and feeling a bit of panic about not being active, she is a good distraction. I can honestly say that I will look forward to learning new ways of building fitness and strength. For years I have been reluctant and almost scared to do things differently, thinking time rather than effort is effective, just because that has always worked for me. But I no longer have the gift of time and will need to make the most of what I have. 

For now though I am going to enjoy the tiny baby cuddles and get used to having someone else more important to think about.

35-36 weeks

Baby shower

Where has the time gone? Only 4 weeks till due date and it’s all getting very real. Our lives are about to change in an instance, as everyone with children tells you. How will we cope? How can we keep another human alive and remain sane? Will we ever get to do the things we love again? And...what will they look like? Will they really recognise our voices? I can’t wait to meet the little one that’s been growing inside me causing me sleepless nights and emotions that I only another women who’s been through it can relate. And even though I’ve felt her inside me and have bought all the necessary items, it’s still quite hard to believe that in a matter of weeks I am going to be a mum! And that will never change.

I have to say I know I’ve been really lucky with my pregnancy. I’ve been tired and emotional but no real worries or stresses. But I can’t say that I love pregnancy. For someone who is used to pushing themselves and puts pressure on themselves it’s not been easy, mentally or physically. I am one of those people that compares themselves to others. Often looking for assurance of what I should or am doing. But it always leads to disappointment when I generally don’t feel I don’t live up to the mark. So and so was running at 36 weeks and so and so was training in the gym for hours etc, so surely I should be. This is hard when doing an hours walk or half an hour on the bike or cross trainer is a battle. How can this be when I was running 40miles a week and cross training this time last year!!! Well, turns out that for me growing a human takes a lot of energy and my little girl wants most of the energy I have to give. 
I keep looking for written pieces from athletes that have found it hard to train. I know the importance of remaining active, and is 30mins walking enough? What if an athlete is struggling with energy? What is her limit? Does she still push through even a light session though she feels completely knackered and miserable at having to struggle day in day out until the baby arrives...
Listen to your body! Easier said than done when used to pushing it. But finally feel I have to let go now and trust that I'll get back to things when I'm ready and able. For now, enjoy the bump time and walks out with my Kibo. 

Happy new year!!!

Marrakech 

So I had written a couple of blogs whilst on a lovely holiday in Morocco, only to find that they hadn't saved. At 24 weeks pregnant I feel rather upset and frustrated and the loss of energy to do much, even writing. So things have been quiet on this end. 
So much seems to have been going on over the last few months. Christmas was lovely with family, though hectic and quite tiring with the travelling about. Not feeling up to doing the usual running and things was hard mentally but also refreshing in a weird way. Still wanting to walk and possibly feeling more pressure to walk more with doing less other things. But trying to focus on the little miracle growing inside me and respect my body for the amazing thing that it is doing...growing a whole new person!!!

Going away was really good straight after Christmas, even though I find it stressful leading up to it. Especially with knowing we still have lots of reservation work to do and less energy to push myself to exercise more. I was determined to have a holiday not putting pressure on myself to get out running, walking/hiking everyday, but to enjoy just relaxing a bit. Did I succeed? Yes and no. We walked around Marrakech, managed a couple of good walks in the atlas mountains, one of which was in deep snow and glorious sunshine, and did a bit of yoga every morning (5-10 mins). We enjoyed some lovely and quite interesting food and got good fill of olives, bread, oranges and omelettes along with the well known moroccan mint tea. Browsing the chaotic souks (shops), lunch on the roof of a cafe then relaxing in the sun on the riad's roof terrace reading a book with coffee and ice-cream  before venturing out again into the hustle and bustle for dinner made up a lot of our days. I found myself not knowing what to do with myself but relaxed into it a bit as the holiday went on. It's always sad when a holiday comes to an end; however, being able to pick what you want to eat, when you want to eat and of course see our Kibo makes coming home easier. 

Since being back I've felt quite tired which has been really frustrating. After feeling like I've indulged a bit on holiday and done less I feel the need to get back to training, like I probably normally would. But being pregnant my body seems to be telling me different. It's challenging constantly adjusting my expectations when for so long you are almost in autopilot, getting back to what you normally would. I enjoy moving, feeling fit and active and pushing myself, some of the time. But for the first time I really am struggling to push myself in that way. Whether it's just physical or slightly mental I can't tell but, I am trying to embrace the change and appreciate it rather than be so fearful of it. Easier said than done, but the little on growing in me is my helper at this challenge :) 

I will continue to walk and anything else is a bonus. Most of my energy will be taken up battling through the mountain of baby items out there and identifying what I really need. Along with finishing getting our kitchen in place. Only 16 weeks to go!!!

Slowing down, keeping going

Beautiful sites from Keswick
Dec 2017

19 Weeks pregnant...